Friday, April 27, 2012

"How to win friends and influence people"

Friend X asked me what I thought of Dale Carnegie's 1936 million-seller [How to Win Friends and Influence People]. My first answer was: "Sorry, I haven't read it."

X: You have a lot of friends and have influenced a lot of people. So, you have your own way of doing it?

AM: Do I?

X: Do you what?

AM: Have a lot of friends and influenced a lot of people.

X: Relatively speaking, yes.

AM: Relative to what?

X: Joe and Jane Doe.

AM: Wow, you're pitting one of me against two of them? I guess I must be doing okay.

X: More than okay. So, what's your formula.

AM: No formula.

X: There must be a formula.

AM: If there is one, it'd be the formula of no formula.

X: Carnegie stated a number of formulae.

AM: Such as?

X: Such as under "Fundamental Techniques in Handling People", Carnegie's formula is:
1. Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.
4. Never show others that you are not interested in what they have to say.

AM: Uh huh.

X: And under "Six Ways to Make People Like You", Carnegie's formula is:
1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person's name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interest.
6. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

AM: Well, these are good points, where being parts of a formula goes.

X: What do you mean?

AM: I just don't need such a formula, or any formula.

X: Again, why not?

AM: Alright, here is a tid-bit. "Do it sincerely" is manipulative and in fact insincere.

X: So, again, what is your formula?

AM: And again, no formula. Just be.

X: Are you religious?

AM: Used to be, but not now. Why?

X: You might be following some religious formula and not know it.

AM: Just the opposite is true.

X: Explain.

AM: I learned from religion to not be religious.

X: Man, I see why you are not following any formula.

AM: No, you don't, yet. What I learn from religion is that Jesus Christ rebelled against the 1400 religious laws of the Pharisees, and replaced them with a singularity of spiritual essence called Unconditional Love, and this is what he died for, but which has lived on till today, and will live on past tomorrow. "Love is all we need. All we need is love," remember?

X: So, you're saying that to win friends and influence people, all we need is love?

AM: No.

X: You're getting me totally confused.

AM: As I told you from the beginning, I have not read the book.

X: So again, why not?

AM: I have never been interested enough to focus on winning friends and influencing people to find out how. I guess I'm just too much focused on the animals and the planet, and not as much on people, though I do love them.

X: Well, you do have a lot of friends, over 5000 in FB at last count.

AM: I do value them, but I do not send out friend requests as a rule.

X: And you cannot deny that you have influenced a lot of people.

AM: As a rule, I just speak my mind and do as I please. If my words and deeds influence people, then I thank THEM - the words, the deeds and the people.

Anthony Marr, Founder and President
Heal Our Planet Earth (HOPE)
Global Anti-Hunting Coalition (GAHC)

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